tOrN

Torn: a verb in past tense which means something is divided or cut into parts.As for me it means being caught in a dilemma.

How do you deal when you are torn between two important things? First, you love something or it could be someone, but it's a feeling something not certain. Next, your mind tells you to do the exact opposite.

In this case who should rule over?

The heart or the mind? I know most people would say it should be a balance between both. It is such a cliche. Maybe it is so hard to balance it especially when they are contraindications. I hate being in a dilemma and sad to say I have been stuck in this dilemma for almost four years. I have to admit I am a coward. Although I keep advising my friends to follow what they think is right but for me I only preach. I have chosen to live on the safe side. I have never ever taken a risk in my life. Quite sad I know,but then again,WHY SHOULD I TAKE THE RISK? When I'm living a good life. Risking for something is stupid when you already have something stable right? I don't think that way now. Yet, I am afraid in taking such a big leap and falling flat on my face. When you take the risk it is not only a feeling but it is a way for giving your soul a certain degree of freedom. Until now, I don't know if I'll lay everything on the line for a maybe foolish dream but until I gain enough courage and until I'm not certain if I will remain in my situation. I await for a miracle to come. If it never comes maybe I'll keep on living only half of my life. If it will not come in this lifetime,maybe I'll just wait in the next life to come. My soul then awaits for it to be complete and for it to experience freedom.....

Crazy

I am going crazy. Hahaha!!! Nobody even noticed it...I don't know what's going on with my mind. I am becoming an insomniac. I sleep at 3 or 4 am in the morning. I guess there are lots of things going into my mind. The thoughts of love, friends and school are slowly consuming me. I feel that I'm losing my soul. I can no longer keep up with the demands. Sometimes, I just feel that I want to cease existing in this complicated world. I do'nt know why. Maybe because the reasons I have had for the past years were nothing more than mere illusions and lies. Do I really need help? Am I going crazy? Or I am just overreacting? I don't know maybe time will help me.

Lost...

Today is just one of the days where i don't know myself. It seems like I'm just floating... I don't know what to do... I don't know what to feel... It's as if i am lost in this world.

Of Soulmates and friends

How do you know? An ageless question which has been haunting us girls... We don't know who's meant for us.. A teacher once said that you'll know and you'll feel it. You can't let him out of sight. As for friends. We need to cherish them and have fun every time we have the time. You know that change is not the only constant thing in this world. Love is one constant phenomena we all experience.

An Ordinary Day

Just like any ordinary day, I woke up late, did my daily routines, and here I am saying goodbye to another day. It feels like nothing ever happens to my life. 


Nothing exciting or weird. Just another day. Sometimes it feels like I must not be special. I feel like I have no contribution to this world. I feel so low and so useless. Everyday I go to school and try to earn good grades but I'm not yet contented. I feel as if a dark abyss is in me that I feel so incomplete. 


Some may say that I should not feel this way because I have family and friends and that I should be more than thankful to have the best in this world, to have a good life but should I really be thankful? Everyday I live a safe life I grew up not taking risks, trying to please others and sometimes even sacrificing what I want and love for them.


 I feel like a robot everyday doing routines again and again. I'm tired of this type of life. I want to be free of the limits that society has placed upon me. In a way I'm a prisoner of myself. 


Dictating to myself what I should feel rather than doing what I want. Great philosophers were right when they said that there should be balance between care for others and for self and that I should also care for the world but how can I do such thing? How can I solve this dilemma? I may belong to the world but of what importance am I to others? 


Yes I may have friends but they can't always be there for you like what most cliches about friendships are. In the end the only friend you've got is yourself. Some say you need someone a person to love you to make you happy but I have a lot of persons in my life but none of them makes me fully happy. Maybe it is in faith that I have to find happiness or maybe I need to love a special person to be happy. I really don't know but as long as I haven't found the answers yet, everyday will just be like any ordinary day to me.

End of Summer Duties

Finally, after two months of going on duties finally I can have my much deserved vacation... I really miss Ormoc City and my friends there... I haven't seen my hometown for more than 4  months already. I can't wait to see how Ormoc is now, I miss my cute pets, my crazy friends,and my family. Like they say there is no place like home. I'm so excited...