A Letter of Apology

It was last Sunday when the priest from the mass said that the year is coming to an end and that we need to change to prepare ourselves for the coming of the Messiah. This year was a whirlwind of events for me and the biggest hurt I got was from my ex. He found a new girl and I knew it way before he told me. I was so outraged by what he did that I said bad things not only to him but also to her new girl. People can become so illogical and unreasonable when anger overpowers them. Our last phone call ended up with me calling him " Walang Kwenta" and me slamming the phone. I guess it didn't end up so well. From then on I said to myself that forgiving him is impossible. Now here I am. It has been almost 6 months since that call. I've finally decided to send my apologies and make things less burdensome for me. I know Yani and my other friends will tell me, "You're crazy, don't forgive that jerk!!". I so know them well. So why am I apologizing when I was the one who got cheated upon? It took me a long time to realize somethings about our past relationship.

I cannot completely blame him nor can I completely say that I had no fault. Maybe I had shortcoming which led him to do such thing to me or maybe I'm just intellectualizing in order for me to justify what he did. What happened? Who got hurt more? Who lost? These things don't matter to me. What I'm giving importance is that he apologized to me. Who am I not to forgive? I'm just a human being myself, I also have my own fair share of mistakes and rash doings. I cannot go on hating others. I would only mean taking a part of me and burying it in my past. Forgiving means being free from hurt. Relieving yourself of a burden brought about by a conflict. Resolving the pain by letting go of the bitterness. Placing your soul at ease knowing that you have no enemies. Whether or not he was truly sorry for what he did to me, I forgive him and in return that act is a kind act to myself. Nothing is lost when you forgive. Keeping your ego's integrity means nothing. It's saving relationships that matter more. It is appreciating what's meaningful way before those conflicts. It's reviving a lost friendship.

If you're curious about my apology... I have written it here...

To make things right for me this coming year, I'd like to send out my apologies to you and your girlfriend. What I blurted out was from pure hurt and anger. I acted out impulsively. I have said hurtful things and if it hurt you, I'm sorry bout it. It's not easy being dumped so informally. If I had any shortcomings, I'd like to apologize. I said before that I'd never forgive you. If you knew me well enough, you'd know that I'm not the type who'd hold a grudge to anyone not even to those who have caused me much pain. Though you have denied me, I have never regretted anything. Somehow you have helped me to become where I am now. I'm more stronger. From this point, I'd hope that if somehow our paths cross, there be no more pain and resentment. For making me a better person that I am now, I am forever grateful. I hope though that next year hopefully by April, I can get all the photos that I gave you. I'd rather have them back since I know it would be of no use to you at all and in return I'll be giving back those jerseys you gave me before. I know it is somehow important to you to have those things back also with your elementary ID. Please tell Leah that I am truly sorry for whatever I have said to her. Sincerely, I wish you guys the best. I do hope this message will be enough sorry for the both of you....

JOI GIN,

PAU

That was how my apology went. I mean it's not perfect. I'm no ace in writing anyways as long as I got my message across...