List Of Events related to Bb. Ormoc

June 12 >>>> Parade

June 22>>>> Pre-Pageant/Official Presentation of Candidates/Talents Night

June 28>>>> Coronation Night

What  I've Been Up To >>

Pictorial

Fashion Show

Hosting Stint

Catwalk Training

next week rehearsals for the pre pageant and coronation night...

as the day grows shorter, i become more nervous and excited...

still praying for a good result... hoping all the hardwork will pay off...

TRYING TO BE A LADY

Haha yet another adventure for me... I've made it through the crazy screening process and I'm now an official candidate for Bb. Ormoc 2009. Me and my ideas oh well. It's brutal. I had a couple of treaments and there will still be other treatments to be presentable come Corontation Night. How will I survive all this? I hope I bring out the beautiful lady in me. I don't know how to strut like one that's for sure. I am not comfortable being the center of attention. So why the heck did I decide to join this year? Well since I'm trying to make the best out of me. I did it drastically now. This is the end of the line straight up from my usual sanity. I mustered up the courage to join a beauty pageant. Coming from a person with bouts of self-pity and self-rejection, it sure is a stressful and uber challenging thing. I plan to conquer my obnoxious stage frights. This is a wake up call to my almost absent self-confidence. May 15 will be my first professional photoshoot followed by a courtesy call to the Office of the Mayor. The day after my handlers are putting me on a challenge in strutting. I'm doing my very first catwalk in a fashion show. After it a series of practices for my walk,poses, talent and stuff we need to do for the coronation night. Then on Independence Day we will also be joining the parade and later on the official presentation of the Candidates. They haven't provided us with the full schedule so I can't tell what to expect. For those who like me thinks that beauty pageants are not that difficult. I was way wrong. I belittled pageants before an now I know how hard it is just to please most of the people and how demanding the task is on hand. Oh well!! Do or die trying!!! AJA!!! Wha!!! Guess I'll be busy for the whole month of May and June... I do hope I will be able to bring out the best in me... Oh my gulay!! Karir na kung karir!! I'm doing this also to make my mother proud. I'll keep you posted haha... 

A RENAISSANCE

It's been a while since I've written a post. Last week was so filled with insights. The Holy Week was a blessing for me. For months now, I've been trying to change who I am through self- awareness. I should have finalized a resolution for myself last Jan 1 but I was to lazy and I lacked motivation. 

Last week, I watched Yamato Nadeshiko once again. After watching that anime, it hit me. I was so like the character, not that I had a rich aunt or that I was that gorgeous. I felt how she felt. I really had low self esteem for the past years of my existence. I dread when my mother asked me to talk or even order at a fast food. I didn't like going out that much. Especially when I graduated college. I stayed home most of the time. I was comfortable staying at home for a whole week just doing nothing but bum around. I hated it when people stared at me. I began to hate my height and ended up always slouching and walking fast. I didn't believe when people said positive things about me. I'd rather hear negative ones.  I didn't believed in me. I always felt that being invisible was the best. I felt safe in my solitude. For me the outside world was nothing. Being alone was paradise. I was stubborn not to listen to other people's advice.

It was last year that I realized what I was missing out. Exactly after the break-up, I realized that I deserved more than what I thought was OK. My friends made me realize it. I always did thought that I was worthless. So inch by inch, I made changes. I tried to be more open to my loved ones. I tried out things that boost my confidence like auditioning. I fixed my hair, now it's straight. I picked myself up from the rut. For once, I tried what I've never done before and that is looking at myself on a positive perspective. It went on and last week, I finally came up with things that were in me that needed to change or go. I know I messed up big time in the past with my decisions, I choose to no longer dwell in those things rather to look forward for good things to come.

I was more driven than ever to be the best that I can be after hearing the priest's Easter message. He said that there was no reason for looking at oneself negatively since we were all made in the image and likeness of God. He made everything beautiful. The priest further added that there was no reason to be afraid. Knowing that God is always with me to love me despite my imperfections has given me hope and comfort. A relief to my feeling of not belonging. It's never to late to become the best that God wants us to be. We should always see the beauty and the good within us that God sees.

I know in a short span of time there have been changes in who I am and how I am to others and for as long as I am living, I will no longer make excuses for not doing my best. I can safely say that the battle within who I am, who I was and who I wanted to be has already ceased because now, I choose to become better than I was before.  I no longer am that shadow loving, pitiful and world-weary girl. These things though not grand marks my very own renaissance.

My Missing Valentine

It's gonna be the same Valentines day for me.

Like what my past Valentine birthdays were.

No special date. 

Just me, my family and friends.

Just a simple dinner.

No big events involved.

How I wish I had someone but I can't be impatient.

Things happen for a reason.

I know that there's a guy somewhere out there for me.

The one who will be my valentine for life.

A Letter of Apology

It was last Sunday when the priest from the mass said that the year is coming to an end and that we need to change to prepare ourselves for the coming of the Messiah. This year was a whirlwind of events for me and the biggest hurt I got was from my ex. He found a new girl and I knew it way before he told me. I was so outraged by what he did that I said bad things not only to him but also to her new girl. People can become so illogical and unreasonable when anger overpowers them. Our last phone call ended up with me calling him " Walang Kwenta" and me slamming the phone. I guess it didn't end up so well. From then on I said to myself that forgiving him is impossible. Now here I am. It has been almost 6 months since that call. I've finally decided to send my apologies and make things less burdensome for me. I know Yani and my other friends will tell me, "You're crazy, don't forgive that jerk!!". I so know them well. So why am I apologizing when I was the one who got cheated upon? It took me a long time to realize somethings about our past relationship.

I cannot completely blame him nor can I completely say that I had no fault. Maybe I had shortcoming which led him to do such thing to me or maybe I'm just intellectualizing in order for me to justify what he did. What happened? Who got hurt more? Who lost? These things don't matter to me. What I'm giving importance is that he apologized to me. Who am I not to forgive? I'm just a human being myself, I also have my own fair share of mistakes and rash doings. I cannot go on hating others. I would only mean taking a part of me and burying it in my past. Forgiving means being free from hurt. Relieving yourself of a burden brought about by a conflict. Resolving the pain by letting go of the bitterness. Placing your soul at ease knowing that you have no enemies. Whether or not he was truly sorry for what he did to me, I forgive him and in return that act is a kind act to myself. Nothing is lost when you forgive. Keeping your ego's integrity means nothing. It's saving relationships that matter more. It is appreciating what's meaningful way before those conflicts. It's reviving a lost friendship.

If you're curious about my apology... I have written it here...

To make things right for me this coming year, I'd like to send out my apologies to you and your girlfriend. What I blurted out was from pure hurt and anger. I acted out impulsively. I have said hurtful things and if it hurt you, I'm sorry bout it. It's not easy being dumped so informally. If I had any shortcomings, I'd like to apologize. I said before that I'd never forgive you. If you knew me well enough, you'd know that I'm not the type who'd hold a grudge to anyone not even to those who have caused me much pain. Though you have denied me, I have never regretted anything. Somehow you have helped me to become where I am now. I'm more stronger. From this point, I'd hope that if somehow our paths cross, there be no more pain and resentment. For making me a better person that I am now, I am forever grateful. I hope though that next year hopefully by April, I can get all the photos that I gave you. I'd rather have them back since I know it would be of no use to you at all and in return I'll be giving back those jerseys you gave me before. I know it is somehow important to you to have those things back also with your elementary ID. Please tell Leah that I am truly sorry for whatever I have said to her. Sincerely, I wish you guys the best. I do hope this message will be enough sorry for the both of you....

JOI GIN,

PAU

That was how my apology went. I mean it's not perfect. I'm no ace in writing anyways as long as I got my message across...