4.7.11
My Own Little Escape
1.8.09
What Every Guy Should Be..
17.6.09
180 degree Change
I guess nobody reckoned that I've turned out to be a lady, as what a friend of my mother told me when she saw me.
She was constantly smiling at me. She said she knew that moment would come when I would finally join a pageant.
I myself am still dumbfounded by the events that are happening to me.
I have already done fashion shows twice, co hosted an event, gone through screening, survived the motorcade and even walking side by side with Aaron Villaflor, an ABS CBN talent.
I never thought I could do all these things.
For all my years, I never really believed in myself. Though there have been instances that other people would tell me of my potential.
It never dawned on me.
I was constantly battling with self- pity.
I was never positive about myself which caused me a lot in the past.
So far, with the things I've done I have heard positive things.
This past months have been one of the most arduous task ever brought upon me.
I never was comfortable getting a whole lot of attention.
I always sought a life of seclusion and anonymity but I guess with my height, I can never stay invisible.
The girl who grew up being close to guys.
The one who would spend her breaks during school on top of a tree.
The same girl who used to catch guppies in a canal and who would play tag with guys.
I was boyish from primary until my early years in college.
It was only when I started my graduate studies that I realized that I also need to act like a lady.
Being a kid, I had an excuse why I acted boyish but I was already a grown up. A professional nurse at that.
Yes, it has been a 180 degree change on how I look, on how I carry myself and most importantly on how I saw myself.
However, there are still times when I think negatively about me.
I try to fight my inner demons for I know succumbing to them would only bring me down.
I, now see the real me.
I do hope that all the ordeals that I have to yet conquer will make me better as a daughter, a friend and a nurse.
May all the coming years in my life be a meaningful and beautiful one.
As I embrace my renaissance, I will always keep in my heart who I was before as it will help me to stay grounded.
The 180 degree change is starting and when it ends, I hope that I will become the best woman that I am destined to be as what God had planned for me.
14.5.09
A List of Why's
Facing Reality
13.5.09
A Message for My Mama
I'm sorry for the wrong words I've said. I've hurt you so much in a couple of minutes. I'm sorry for losing my wits and tack when we had our chat. I know all the pains you have gone through just to give us a decent life. We are who we are because of you mama. I am truly sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel worthless. I was just going crazy over the situation. I over reacted and let my past frustrations get the best out of me. I know you love me. I'm sorry if I turned out ungrateful. I am forever in gratitude for the life you have given me. I wouldn't exchange you for anything or any other mother in the world. You forever will be the greatest mother for me and nothing can change that. You're heart and soul made me a better person that alone makes you more precious than all the precious jewels in this world. I may not be able to give you visible gifts right now to show how much I appreciate you, rest assured everything you sacrificed for will be repaid. I was not able to greet you on the exact day because you were not online. I'm truly sorry. I know I'm no perfect daughter and you know all my negative aspects. Yet you continue to show your love for me. Ma I will always love you and you are always in my heart and mind. Belated Happy Mother's Day. I hope that the next mother's day I won't fail you anymore.
30.4.09
I AM MY OWN BOSS
27.4.09
Idle
27.3.09
TRISTE
Vous me parlez seulement quand vous avez besoin de quelque chose. Personne ne s'inquiète vraiment de moi.
Je devine si je meurs aujourd'hui, ils pleurerai pas parce qu'I' ; morts de m mais le fait qu'ils ont perdu une personne qui peut faire leurs commandes.
Peut-être I' ; m juste une pauvre fille pathétique, essayant d'avoir de vrais amis dans l'Internet. Si assez naïf de croire que le cyberworld sera plus doux et sorte à elle que ceux dans le monde réel.
20.3.09
For Noone
9.2.09
My Missing Valentine
25.1.09
BEING A FOOL
Here I am again making a fool out of myself.
Doing things in search for the thing that would make me happy.
Almost forgetting that my soul could burn in hell,
Doing whatever it takes not to feel alone,
Trying to please at whatever cost.
Making such a mockery of myself.
As days pass by,
I'm slowly losing control,
Of the reality, I call my world.
Doing my best to make sense,
Rationalizing what I've done,
Regrets are numerous
Despite this, I continue to make bad choices,
I strive to be better,
Battling with my irrational side.
I'm still a lonely fool,
The war within me is not yet over.
In the end of all this,
I pray that I find peace.
And that the clown who I see in my reflection will cease to exist.
19.12.08
missing you
It's 3:35 AM, I am still awake.
Waiting for your shadow to cast upon me.
I miss you. It feels like im in a ghost town .
I wish that you were near.
I wish you were here.
If you knew how I felt, what would you say?
Now that we're apart, do you feel the same way?
I'm scared and worried. My soul has been restless.
I pray thee well.
As my body grows tired, I must lay my worries aside.
For even in my slumber, thoust that I think of.
Til then, I have to say farewell and close my eyes as the rain slowly falls on my window pane.
For tomorrow, I will still await for thee...
(just made this up... pls.. comment on it...)
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