Showing posts with label My Words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Words. Show all posts

4.7.11

My Own Little Escape



When I was a kid, I can never sleep without hugging a pillow close to me. My mama can attest to the countless times when I would look for something to hug for me to be able to sleep. I never knew why I grew fond of it. As I turned 8 or was it 7, my mama gave me a small teddy bear and even til now I still have that teddy. From the day I received it til the time I got a new teddy bear, I never let go of it. I can never sleep without it.



It was only til now that I realized why I love having a teddy bear close to me when I'm asleep. It's because you feel cozy and warm without having to give something back in return. Teddy bears never reject you and they are always there for you when ever you need comforting. Up until now I still have a teddy with me in bed. It is the reason why I love being in my room. For it is when I am alone that I don't feel rejected. I don't have to worry about how people will think of me. I have peace when I see no one but my teddy bear. I don't have to try for someone to like me. I can just be me. The plain, crazy and invisible me. Sometimes things than happen in reality that are too much for one person to bear and sometimes the people you need the most are never there.
My little escape from the world is no big secret. I think we have the same secret.  Just me, my room and my teddy. Sometimes you have to escape to avoid losing yourself.

1.8.09

What Every Guy Should Be..



1.) Optimistic and Great Sense of Humor

He has a positive outlook on life, even when things aren’t bright and sunny. He always makes you laugh with his great sense of humor. Most of the time, he is someone who is very fun and enjoyable to be with.

2.) Faithful/Loyal and Committed

He is someone who is reliable and trustworthy. You know deep down in your heart that you can always count on him for support, understanding, and comfort. Most importantly, you can trust him that he won’t deliberately do things or make decisions that would hurt you or the relationship/marriage.

3.) Great Communication Skills

He listens em pathetically and patiently to the things you say without being judgmental. He tries to see things from your point of view before providing solutions or advice. He is able to get his message across and conveys his thoughts effectively.

4.) Respect You and Treat You as an Equal Partner

He values your opinions and genuinely wants to understand your thoughts. He discusses things with you before making important decisions. He respects you, your family, your friends, your choices, your career, and your space/privacy.

5.) Affectionate, Sensitive, and Romantic

He expresses his love and care for you through simple, affectionate gestures like hugs, kisses, holding hands, calls, sweet little notes/cards, saying “I love you,” and etc. He is attentive and sensitive to your needs, and he cheerfully does little things to make you happy and loved and cared for.

6.) Appreciative and Forgiving

He doesn’t take you or the relationship/marriage for granted. He appreciates you and the things you do for him on a daily basis. He doesn’t hold grudges when you unintentionally hurt his feelings or make mistakes. He forgives and moves on.

7.) Love You Just the Way You Are

You are good enough just the way you are – in fact, in his eyes, you are the best. He accepts you as a total package – the good and the not-so-good. He helps and encourages you to learn and grow to your fullest potential, instead of molding you to become the “dream girl” or “ideal wife” in his fantasy.

8.) Financially Responsible

Notice I didn’t mention “financially wealthy” - I said “financially responsible.” You don’t have to be a millionaire or make 500k a year. It’s not about how much money you make but rather how well you manage what you have – making wise financial decisions, plans, and investments.

9.) Passionate about Life

He has other passions in life other than you, for example his work, hobbies, interests, friends, family, religious beliefs, and etc. He takes good care of himself and doesn’t rely on you entirely for his happiness. He deeply believes and feels that life is wonderful and worth living and he’s committed to life long learning and self development.

10.) Confident and Competent

He is confident, but not arrogant. Men are born leaders, protectors, and providers (at least they deeply believe they are) – we all know that. It’s nothing new. However, in order for a woman to genuinely and deeply admire, adore, and respect her man, he has to be competent to begin with. That doesn’t mean he has to perfect (everybody makes mistakes) or has supernatural powers. But he kind of has to know what he’s doing.

Sourced from: http://hesaysandshesays.wordpress.com/

Here's What I Think Every Guy Should Do:


( a list of my frustration with some guys.. )
1. Say What You Mean.

It really gets into my nerves when a guy says this and that then you found out later that what they said were all lies. Stop trying to be nice. Just tell say it. No matter how blunt you'll appear to be. Guys find it so easy to say to 'I love you' to any girl. Oftentimes, we fall for it and we become blinded. Honesty is really important for us girls. Don't give us false hopes. Cut us some slack. We are emotional creatures. Anything you say really affects us.

2. Don't Make Promises You Can't Make.

"I'll only love you.." The most abused promise of them all. Guys stop saying those things not unless you're certain that you're marrying the girl. Don't give full of air promises. It really hurts us girls when you don't keep them. Rather than making those promises verbally, try to show it. It really is true about actions speaking louder than words.

3. Stop Collecting.

I know most men go on feeding their egos. Collecting girls from everywhere. Don't treat us like we're cars or NBA cards. We're not objects. We get hurt when you do this. One at a time please. Treat each girl as you would treat you mother or sister.

4. Be Sensitive.


Sometimes we don't tell you. Try to be more sensitive. Sometimes we say we are fine when in fact we are not. We may not always say it directly so look for other cues or observe our actions.
5.Always Be A Gentleman.

Manners matters. Don't act like apes. You were given brains for a reason. Try to be tactful and behave properly. When you see a girl standing offer her a seat. Just because gender equality is popular nowadays, it doesn't mean that you treat girls like men too.


Again emphasis on SOME... I don't mean that all guys lack those aforementioned. I would be committing the fallacy of hasty generalization if I said all men. I myself know a few great men who do those things. Kudos to those men.

17.6.09

180 degree Change

Who would have thought?

I guess nobody reckoned that I've turned out to be a lady, as what a friend of my mother told me when she saw me.

She was constantly smiling at me. She said she knew that moment would come when I would finally join a pageant.

I myself am still dumbfounded by the events that are happening to me.

I have already done fashion shows twice, co hosted an event, gone through screening, survived the motorcade and even walking side by side with Aaron Villaflor, an ABS CBN talent.

I never thought I could do all these things.

For all my years, I never really believed in myself. Though there have been instances that other people would tell me of my potential.

It never dawned on me.

I was constantly battling with self- pity.

I was never positive about myself which caused me a lot in the past.

So far, with the things I've done I have heard positive things.

This past months have been one of the most arduous task ever brought upon me.


I never was comfortable getting a whole lot of attention.


I always sought a life of seclusion and anonymity but I guess with my height, I can never stay invisible.

The girl who grew up being close to guys.

The one who would spend her breaks during  school on top of a tree.

The same girl who used to catch guppies in a canal and who would play tag with guys.

I was boyish from primary until my early years in college.

It was only when I started my graduate studies that I realized that I also need to act like a lady.

Being a kid, I had an excuse why I acted boyish but I was already a grown up. A professional nurse at that.

Yes, it has been a 180 degree change on how I look, on how I carry myself and most importantly on how I saw myself.

However, there are still times when I think negatively about me.

I try to fight my inner demons for I know succumbing to them would only bring me down.

I, now see the real me.

I do hope that all the ordeals that I have to yet conquer will make me better as a daughter, a friend and a nurse.

May all the coming years in my life be a meaningful and beautiful one.

As I embrace my renaissance, I will always keep in my heart who I was before as it will help me to stay grounded.

The 180 degree change is starting and when it ends, I hope that I will become the best woman that I am destined to be as what God had planned for me.

14.5.09

A List of Why's

Why am I alone? 

A: Because you allow yourself to be away from everybody else. Trying going out every now and then.

Why am I sad?

A: Because your focus is directed towards negative things. There is no such thing a person who has no reason to smile. Try to tap into it when you're sad.

Why do we feel pain?

A: Because we have nerves and brains that tells us. As for emotional pain, because we are human? haha.. Pain is inescapable. Live with it. Just learn to divert. Sometimes pain triggers new discoveries. Pain comes with comfort. Everything in this world in dual. As a matter is to an anti matter, as love is to hate, as life is to death and so on and so forth...

Why do people say I'm immature?

A: Because you are not fully aware of the things you do. Being irresponsible and insensitive to every opposite reaction makes you down right careless thus immaturity coming into play. Think before you speak or do anything. Science tells us that every action has an equal opposite reaction. Be aware. Start to care more and learn to look from various perspectives.

Why do people die?

A: We are not perfect. If we were perfect, death would not exist. We are not like God though we strive to be. It sets us apart from him. He is the creator we are His creations we come with expiry dates. What's important is we live according to His will.

Why are men insensitive and pathetic?

A: Don't blame it on men. Blame it on yourself for giving them a chance to hurt you. Stop obsessing about men you like who in reality don't care about you. They are not insensitive. They are just not interested in you. Wait for the right man for you. Then you're thoughts of men will probably change. If they are pathetic for you then look for better ones. 

Why am I single?

A: Because you haven't found someone who makes you happy. Just wait but don't put yourself in a box. The box represents your high standards that are keeping you from meeting good guys. Don't be too demanding. You're not perfect either.

Why is everything complicated in this world?

A: Because we were given great minds. We have complex minds thus we make this world so complicated. Try living simply to see the reason behind the phenomenon of complexity.


Facing Reality

Earlier today, I was so pissed off which ended with me getting swollen knuckles.

 I was just letting my frustrations go physically that is. Maybe all the emotional burden got the best out of me. 

Last night was the same, I was complaining about how men were. 

A friend said to me last night that I should not keep on digging up the past. I was guilty of it. I never was the type of person who would find closure alone. 

I always needed that the person involved tell me upfront since I'm like that. But I guess sometime, you have to learn to let go on your own. 

Then as I read through the text of He's Just Not That Into You again, there were flashbacks of my past relationship. 

How I wished that I read this book 6years ago I wouldn't have wasted my time with him. I really think that what kept me hanging on to him despite all the things he did was the same with that the battered wife's syndrome. 

A syndrome that involved women thinking overly positive about a relationship that's clearly abusive. Due to the fairy tale concepts that were injected to us when we were young. I myself am guilty of the common line " He will be different tomorrow, he will be better, we will be happier." Probably it has something with one's ego. 

It's hard to accept that you picked the wrong guy and give up all the efforts you made just to keep him with you. Even-though I saw a lot of reasons to break up with him I kept holding on. I ended up being brutally hurt. It was only after the inhumane break up that I realized those things and like what the book said have faith that there is a better man out there for you. 

Despite the small number of good men out there. You will find one if you are only open to it and if you believe. It's no secret. Faith can definitely move mountains. Just hang on and do go for guys who are not in your standards. Keep your standards simple and achievable. 

When I was a teenager I was so damn idealistic which only makes you frustrated as you grow older. About staying in a relationship, it is easy to judge whether or not to hang on to a relationship or to wait for that person. 

If he makes you happy and if he shows that he love you then that man is really in love with you. 

If not, stop making excuses for him. It won't change the fact. You should just give it up and give yourself a chance to find someone better.

 It's better to be single than be with someone who is a burden to you. In all things, always consider yourself before anything else but be sensitive to others as well. 

It is in loving oneself that you learn to love others. It has been said before. 

We all know well the golden rule. Just try to understand it deeper. 

Every person's actions are derived from what is in his mind and heart. Get a clue. Reality maybe harsh. You are in this real world and not some Wonderland. You won't go wrong if you know what makes you happy and have faith in it.

 It's not the circumstances that make men great. It is the choices that we make despite those trivial life events. 

Stop hiding and deceiving yourself. It will not get you anywhere but in a junkyard filled with regrets and sorrow. Listen to what your heart tells you. We have instincts for a reason. 

The basic philosophy that will get you far is simple. If you are happy with it keep it, leave if you're not. 

The world is wide. Don't put yourself in a box. Open up to the world and in return it will do the same to you. Reality >> face it,learn from it and love every moment of it.

13.5.09

A Message for My Mama

I'm sorry for the wrong words I've said. I've hurt you so much in a couple of minutes. I'm sorry for losing my wits and tack when we had our chat. I know all the pains you have gone through just to give us a decent life. We are who we are because of you mama. I am truly sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel worthless. I was just going crazy over the situation. I over reacted and let my past frustrations get the best out of me. I know you love me. I'm sorry if I turned out ungrateful. I am forever in gratitude for the life you have given me. I wouldn't exchange you for anything or any other mother in the world. You forever will be the greatest mother for me and nothing can change that. You're heart and soul made me a better person that alone makes you more precious than all the precious jewels in this world. I may not be able to give you visible gifts right now to show how much I appreciate you, rest assured everything you sacrificed for will be repaid. I was not able to greet you on the exact day because you were not online. I'm truly sorry. I know I'm no perfect daughter and you know all my negative aspects. Yet you continue to show your love for me. Ma I will always love you and you are always in my heart and mind. Belated Happy Mother's Day. I hope that the next mother's day I won't fail you anymore.  

30.4.09

I AM MY OWN BOSS

LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT

The power to succeed or fail is yours alone.



You alone have the responsibility to shape your life.

Nothing and no one can deny you greatness once you understand this.


There's no one to stop you but yourself.



No one can cheat you out of ultimate success but you.



More powerful then all the success slogans ever written



is the realization that everyone has but one boss.

That boss is you.



Picture yourself vividly as winning,



and that alone will contribute immeasurably to success. 

I've read this off a site and now I realize how important it is to believe in yourself. How stepping out of your comfort zone can benefit. All my life I was never brave enough to do this that I wanted. I thought too much of others before myself. Somehow I always let others be the boss. It made me down and displeased. Though there were good things that happened along the bossing around but I always felt like there is something missing. On May, I will be doing things that will somehow liberate me from the routinely submissive me. For once, I will believe that I can win. No more doubting in my capacity. I can because I will it to be. I'll be taking on new challenges in my life and I won't shy away from it. I'll fight head on. I will do it or die trying. AJA!!!!! I will fight and it will be a good one. 

27.4.09

Idle

How can I tell you how I feel?

I'm but a shadow to you.

An insignificant one in the midst of a great crowd.

How can you feel my heartbeat when your heart beats for another?

Shall I stay forever tangled in your web?

Or shall I break loose from all thoughts of you?

Shall I live with this growing pain?

Or should I let you out of this heart of mine and accept that you will never be mine?

And if I walked away from your world, would you even care?

These questions are left hanging in this idle mind of mine.


27.3.09

TRISTE


Vous me parlez seulement quand vous avez besoin de quelque chose. Personne ne s'inquiète vraiment de moi.


Je devine si je meurs aujourd'hui, ils pleurerai pas parce qu'I' ; morts de m mais le fait qu'ils ont perdu une personne qui peut faire leurs commandes.


Peut-être I' ; m juste une pauvre fille pathétique, essayant d'avoir de vrais amis dans l'Internet. Si assez naïf de croire que le cyberworld sera plus doux et sorte à elle que ceux dans le monde réel.


 

20.3.09

For Noone

wala magawa nood kasi hana yori dango korean version nasaniban ng kadramahan>>>

i may not be perfect,

nor may I be your first choice..

You may only see me as ordinary..

And not even close to your dream girl's beauty...

But this heart is true...

My love never fading ...

I'll always be here...

And even on my last second here on Earth...

I will keep a promise in perpetuum...

Until my heart stops beating...

For within my soul there you'll be...

9.2.09

My Missing Valentine

It's gonna be the same Valentines day for me.

Like what my past Valentine birthdays were.

No special date. 

Just me, my family and friends.

Just a simple dinner.

No big events involved.

How I wish I had someone but I can't be impatient.

Things happen for a reason.

I know that there's a guy somewhere out there for me.

The one who will be my valentine for life.

25.1.09

BEING A FOOL



Here I am again making a fool out of myself.


Doing things in search for the thing that would make me happy.


Almost forgetting that my soul could burn in hell,


Doing whatever it takes not to feel alone,


Trying to please at whatever cost.


Making such a mockery of myself.


As days pass by,


I'm slowly losing control,


Of the reality, I call my world.


Doing my best to make sense,


Rationalizing what I've done,


Regrets are numerous


Despite this, I continue to make bad choices,


I strive to be better,


Battling with my irrational side.


I'm still a lonely fool,


The  war within me is not yet over.


In the end of all this,


I pray that I find peace.


And that the clown who I see in my reflection will cease to exist.




19.12.08

missing you

myspace comments

It's 3:35 AM, I am still awake.


Waiting for your shadow to cast upon me.


I miss you. It feels like im in a ghost town .


I wish that you were near.


I wish you were here.


If you knew how I felt, what would you say?


Now that we're apart, do you feel the same way?


I'm scared and worried. My soul has been restless.


I  pray thee well.


As my body grows tired, I must lay my worries aside.


For even in my slumber, thoust that I think of.


Til then, I have to say farewell and close my eyes as the rain slowly falls on my window pane.


For tomorrow, I will still await for thee...



(just made this up... pls.. comment on it...)

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