missing you

It's 3:35 AM, I am still awake.

Waiting for your shadow to cast upon me.

I miss you. It feels like im in a ghost town .

I wish that you were near.

I wish you were here.

If you knew how I felt, what would you say?

Now that we're apart, do you feel the same way?

I'm scared and worried. My soul has been restless.

I  pray thee well.

As my body grows tired, I must lay my worries aside.

For even in my slumber, thoust that I think of.

Til then, I have to say farewell and close my eyes as the rain slowly falls on my window pane.

For tomorrow, I will still await for thee...

(just made this up... pls.. comment on it...)

A NEW MORNING (MISA DE GALLO)

Last night was a sad one for me. I felt lonely and I began to wallow in what other's may call the Holiday blues. I began to think that this Christmas would be like the past Christmas. While I was online, I fell asleep and I woke up to the voice of my sister saying it was time to go to the Misa de Gallo.

Misa de Gallo is the Spanish phrase for Midnight mass, more literally translated as "Rooster's Mass".It is said that the "Rooster's Mass" owes its name to the idea that a rooster would have been among the first to witness the birth of Jesus, and thus be the one to announce it.

As the mass started, I was still a bit sleepy and sad. Then after the readings came the homily. The priest started to talk and he kept on reiterating  "And morning came...". At first it was a bit annoying but then he explained it later on. He said that today was a new morning. We should start pondering on what each morning means to us. Like in the bible, a new morning meant another day of creation was done or when Peter denied Jesus and the cock had crow. It was after his homily that I started to think about how I felt every morning was as Christmas is approaching.

Most of those who are away from their loved ones may feel the same way as I did. As the day continue to grow so does our sadness. We start to think that Christmas is just like another ordinary day. WE become drenched in negativeness. We think that we are all alone for various reasons. Some maybe sad because the are far from their family. Others maybe sad because the have no special someone to celebrate the season with. I personally felt sad because of those things. My mother is in the U.S and we haven't spent Christmas with her for two years already and my father is with another family. I don't have a special someone as well. For the past two years, I have been spending Christmas with nobody else but my sister. Last year, we were not able to go to the Misa de Gallo and even the Christmas Eve mass because my sister had her appendectomy. I was busy caring for her since her movements and activities were limited.  I was sad last year though I received gifts and had a delicious Noche buena. I kept on remembering these things til yesterday. I thought that this Christmas would be blue like last year. The homily made me think otherwise.

Every morning is always a brand new start. It signals the end of a day and the start of a new one. Christmas is not about who you're with  or what you have but with who you have. It should always be a celebration of love. You have all the reason to be happy. God gave up his precious son for us. That alone is good reason to be happy and it doesn't matter whether your far from your loved one or that you don't have a love life. We should be thankful for the people we have that continues to love us. Christmas should be a celebration of the gift of life. God blessed us with wonderful people around us yet we continue to take them for granted. We keep on focusing on ourselves or material stuffs that we fail to recognize that we have the best gifts. Our life, our family, our friends and Jesus. These  gifts are more than for us to be happy in a lifetime. Through them we feel how God loves us. A constant reminder of how blessed we are despite the problems and troubles that we face.

For those who are feeling blue think about these things. Keep in mind that every morning is a new day. A new opportunity to make your life and another person's life better. A new gift from God that should be enjoyed. Add and multiply happiness and subtract sadness this Christmas and for all the days to come. It is only you that can give yourself the one of the most priceless gift and that is true happiness.

The World's Most Communicable Disease

There is a funny story in circulation about an optimistic farmer who wouldn't wait to greet each new day with a resounding, "Good morning, God!" He lived near a woman whose morning greeting was more like, "Good God... morning?" They were each a trial to the other. Where he saw opportunity, she saw problems. Where he was satisfied, she was discontented.

One bright morning he exclaimed, "Look at the beautiful sky! Did you see that glorious sunrise?"
"Yeah," she countered. "It'll probably get so hot the crops will scorch!"

During an afternoon shower, he commented, "Isn't this wonderful? Mother Nature is giving the corn a drink today!"

"And if it doesn't stop before too long," came the sour reply, "we'll wish we'd taken out
flood insurance on the crops!"

Convinced that he could instill some awe and wonder in her hardened attitude, he bought a remarkable dog. Not just any mutt, but the most expensive, highly-trained and gifted dog he could find. The animal was exquisite! It could perform remarkable and impossible feats which, the farmer thought, would surely amaze even his neighbor. So he invited her
to watch his dog perform.

"Fetch!" he commanded, as he tossed a stick out into a lake, where it bobbed up and down in the rippling water. The dog bounded after the stick, walked ON the water, and retrieved it.

"What do you think of that?" he asked, smiling.

"Hmmm," she frowned. "Can't swim, can he?"

Sometimes I think that negative thoughts are the world's most communicative diseases. More catching than any known virus, and just as deadly. But an attitude of awe and wonder can be just as contagious!

The only difference between a good day and the bad day is ATTITUDE.

Which will you be spreading today?

* THIS WAS TAKEN OUT OF A BOOK ON INSPIRATIONAL STORIES

When Perfect is Wrong

So we all want the "PERFECT ONE". I have to admit, I'm one of those. Yup, i hate to blurt it out but i am a hopeless romantic. One with a naive thought of what love should be. I blame it on fairy tales. We all grew up thinking that such stories are real and that it will eventually happen to us.  My past relationships  definitely had no fairytale ending. It was more like that of a horror flick in which I end up being brutally killed.

A funny thing about love is that we often fall for someone who  we think is perfect for us but we end up getting hurt. I think most of us have experienced this. Life is crazy as it is and not even a million of years can prepare us for it. The thing that makes life exciting and worth while are its surprises. LOVE makes life sweet. It gives us a reason to continue. Though it's filled with complexities,what's more important is not on finding the perfect one for us but showing them that we can do our best to love perfectly even though were only humans.

A Letter of Apology

It was last Sunday when the priest from the mass said that the year is coming to an end and that we need to change to prepare ourselves for the coming of the Messiah. This year was a whirlwind of events for me and the biggest hurt I got was from my ex. He found a new girl and I knew it way before he told me. I was so outraged by what he did that I said bad things not only to him but also to her new girl. People can become so illogical and unreasonable when anger overpowers them. Our last phone call ended up with me calling him " Walang Kwenta" and me slamming the phone. I guess it didn't end up so well. From then on I said to myself that forgiving him is impossible. Now here I am. It has been almost 6 months since that call. I've finally decided to send my apologies and make things less burdensome for me. I know Yani and my other friends will tell me, "You're crazy, don't forgive that jerk!!". I so know them well. So why am I apologizing when I was the one who got cheated upon? It took me a long time to realize somethings about our past relationship.

I cannot completely blame him nor can I completely say that I had no fault. Maybe I had shortcoming which led him to do such thing to me or maybe I'm just intellectualizing in order for me to justify what he did. What happened? Who got hurt more? Who lost? These things don't matter to me. What I'm giving importance is that he apologized to me. Who am I not to forgive? I'm just a human being myself, I also have my own fair share of mistakes and rash doings. I cannot go on hating others. I would only mean taking a part of me and burying it in my past. Forgiving means being free from hurt. Relieving yourself of a burden brought about by a conflict. Resolving the pain by letting go of the bitterness. Placing your soul at ease knowing that you have no enemies. Whether or not he was truly sorry for what he did to me, I forgive him and in return that act is a kind act to myself. Nothing is lost when you forgive. Keeping your ego's integrity means nothing. It's saving relationships that matter more. It is appreciating what's meaningful way before those conflicts. It's reviving a lost friendship.

If you're curious about my apology... I have written it here...

To make things right for me this coming year, I'd like to send out my apologies to you and your girlfriend. What I blurted out was from pure hurt and anger. I acted out impulsively. I have said hurtful things and if it hurt you, I'm sorry bout it. It's not easy being dumped so informally. If I had any shortcomings, I'd like to apologize. I said before that I'd never forgive you. If you knew me well enough, you'd know that I'm not the type who'd hold a grudge to anyone not even to those who have caused me much pain. Though you have denied me, I have never regretted anything. Somehow you have helped me to become where I am now. I'm more stronger. From this point, I'd hope that if somehow our paths cross, there be no more pain and resentment. For making me a better person that I am now, I am forever grateful. I hope though that next year hopefully by April, I can get all the photos that I gave you. I'd rather have them back since I know it would be of no use to you at all and in return I'll be giving back those jerseys you gave me before. I know it is somehow important to you to have those things back also with your elementary ID. Please tell Leah that I am truly sorry for whatever I have said to her. Sincerely, I wish you guys the best. I do hope this message will be enough sorry for the both of you....

JOI GIN,

PAU

That was how my apology went. I mean it's not perfect. I'm no ace in writing anyways as long as I got my message across...

The Truth About Cinderella

Every girl dreams of one day becoming a princess like Cinderella, of living happily ever after with a prince charming...

Everybody is familiar with Cinderella. A popular fairytale about a young woman living in unfortunate circumstances which suddenly change to remarkable fortune.  A mistreated and impoverished girl. We all know the details of this tale. We all know about the fairy god mother, the glass slippers and the prince charming.

Most of us dream of that day when we will finally have our happily ever after where will have a fantastic castle, a beautiful kingdom and a loving prince. It is not a sin to dream for those. We all want to be happy. We all want to die knowing that we have found a true and lasting love.

We became so drenched in this fairytale that we ended up wishing for the same luck with that of Cinderella. We go on living from day to day waiting for our prince. A far fetched reality. Cinderella is nothing more but a fairy tale. It will never be reality. In this lifetime, we may find a couple of princes who would promise us a happy ever after but in the end all we're left are nothing but tragedies. That' s reality. Nothing but a dream. Not everyone can become a Cinderella. Most of us are faced with harsh facts.

Cinderella exists only in the fantasy world and it will stay that way. We are all princesses in our own right. We and Cinderella are alike. We live in a despicable world. We may have our own version of the evil stepmother. From day to day we continue to struggle. We continue doing chores just to make things better for us. We fight each day with the help of our friends. We all continue struggling to find for our fairy God mother. The one who'll free us from this world's misery. Our prince may not come after us as we run across the stairs as the has clock struck 12. He may not care at all after the dance and just throw away our glass slippers.

Whether or not we end up with both of the glass slippers,

Whether or not we end up finding our prince,

Whether or not we have a happy ever after ending,

We must make it a point that somehow in our lives we live like a princess and not just a lowly servant of this world.

We have in us all the power to make things come true and the truth is that...

We are our own fairy God mothers, we ourselves can make or break our own fairytale ending.

An Open Letter (for those who are Single)

I was reading a book by Richard Gosse entitled How to Find a Lasting Relationship and I managed to come across these two open letters. It was funny so I thought that I should share this with you.

----------------------------
AN OPEN LETTER TO SINGLE MEN
----------------------------
I'm a single woman looking for the right man for a romantic relationship. It's discouraging sometimes. You can make things a lot easier for me by doing the following:

1. Don't stay at home--I'll never be able to meet you.
2. Make yourself available by going to places that I frequent.
3. Don't be afraid to approach me. You're doing me a favor by breaking the ice.
4. Give me the same privilege of initiating contact with you.
5. Don't expect me to hop into bed just because you feel turned
on. I may not feel like it. And don't think that I owe you my
body just because you took me out on a date or bought me a
drink.
6. When we first meet, don't tell me I'm the most beautiful
woman you've ever met or that you are madly in love with me.
I'm not dumb enough to swallow that.
7. Don't talk to me like I'm one of the guys in the locker room.
I'm not.
8. Control your drinking. Too much booze makes you very
unattractive to me.
9. Please be patient and wait for me. Don't marry someone wrong
for you before I have a chance to meet you.


Sincerely,
Ms. Right
------------------------------
AN OPEN LETTER TO SINGLE WOMEN
------------------------------
I am a single man looking for someone special for a loving relationship. It isn't easy. You can facilitate things for me by doing the following:

1. Don't stay at home--I'll never be able to meet you.
2. Make yourself available by going to places I frequent.
3. If you're open to meeting me, let me know. A smile, eye
contact, standing or sitting next to me are all ways of
tipping me off that you find me attractive.
4. Take the initiative. I may be too shy to say hello, but that
doesn't mean I don't want to meet you.
5. Don't expect me to be witty, charming, clever or profound in
the first four minutes we talk. Give me time to relax and
find something we have in common.
6. Don't judge me harshly because you've had bad experiences
with other men. I am a unique person and deserve to be
treated accordingly.
7. Don't be on the defensive if I approach you. I know some guys
are rotten,but I'm different.

8. Don't assume that I want to go to bed with you. I might want
to get to know you first.
9. Don't be a tease and pretend you want to sleep with me if you
don't.
10. Don't play hard to get. I only have so much nerve and
motivation. I may give up on you quickly unless you give me
some encouragement.
11. Please be patient and wait for me. What a tragedy it would be
if you married the wrong person before you got a chance to
meet me.

Sincerely,
Mr. Right