11.9.09
Blunt Truths About Guys
5.9.09
Right
1.8.09
What Every Guy Should Be..
17.6.09
180 degree Change
I guess nobody reckoned that I've turned out to be a lady, as what a friend of my mother told me when she saw me.
She was constantly smiling at me. She said she knew that moment would come when I would finally join a pageant.
I myself am still dumbfounded by the events that are happening to me.
I have already done fashion shows twice, co hosted an event, gone through screening, survived the motorcade and even walking side by side with Aaron Villaflor, an ABS CBN talent.
I never thought I could do all these things.
For all my years, I never really believed in myself. Though there have been instances that other people would tell me of my potential.
It never dawned on me.
I was constantly battling with self- pity.
I was never positive about myself which caused me a lot in the past.
So far, with the things I've done I have heard positive things.
This past months have been one of the most arduous task ever brought upon me.
I never was comfortable getting a whole lot of attention.
I always sought a life of seclusion and anonymity but I guess with my height, I can never stay invisible.
The girl who grew up being close to guys.
The one who would spend her breaks during school on top of a tree.
The same girl who used to catch guppies in a canal and who would play tag with guys.
I was boyish from primary until my early years in college.
It was only when I started my graduate studies that I realized that I also need to act like a lady.
Being a kid, I had an excuse why I acted boyish but I was already a grown up. A professional nurse at that.
Yes, it has been a 180 degree change on how I look, on how I carry myself and most importantly on how I saw myself.
However, there are still times when I think negatively about me.
I try to fight my inner demons for I know succumbing to them would only bring me down.
I, now see the real me.
I do hope that all the ordeals that I have to yet conquer will make me better as a daughter, a friend and a nurse.
May all the coming years in my life be a meaningful and beautiful one.
As I embrace my renaissance, I will always keep in my heart who I was before as it will help me to stay grounded.
The 180 degree change is starting and when it ends, I hope that I will become the best woman that I am destined to be as what God had planned for me.
21.5.09
List Of Events related to Bb. Ormoc
June 22>>>> Pre-Pageant/Official Presentation of Candidates/Talents Night
June 28>>>> Coronation Night
What I've Been Up To >>
Pictorial
Fashion Show
Hosting Stint
Catwalk Training
next week rehearsals for the pre pageant and coronation night...
as the day grows shorter, i become more nervous and excited...
still praying for a good result... hoping all the hardwork will pay off...
14.5.09
A List of Why's
Facing Reality
13.5.09
A Message for My Mama
I'm sorry for the wrong words I've said. I've hurt you so much in a couple of minutes. I'm sorry for losing my wits and tack when we had our chat. I know all the pains you have gone through just to give us a decent life. We are who we are because of you mama. I am truly sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel worthless. I was just going crazy over the situation. I over reacted and let my past frustrations get the best out of me. I know you love me. I'm sorry if I turned out ungrateful. I am forever in gratitude for the life you have given me. I wouldn't exchange you for anything or any other mother in the world. You forever will be the greatest mother for me and nothing can change that. You're heart and soul made me a better person that alone makes you more precious than all the precious jewels in this world. I may not be able to give you visible gifts right now to show how much I appreciate you, rest assured everything you sacrificed for will be repaid. I was not able to greet you on the exact day because you were not online. I'm truly sorry. I know I'm no perfect daughter and you know all my negative aspects. Yet you continue to show your love for me. Ma I will always love you and you are always in my heart and mind. Belated Happy Mother's Day. I hope that the next mother's day I won't fail you anymore.
TRYING TO BE A LADY
Haha yet another adventure for me... I've made it through the crazy screening process and I'm now an official candidate for Bb. Ormoc 2009. Me and my ideas oh well. It's brutal. I had a couple of treaments and there will still be other treatments to be presentable come Corontation Night. How will I survive all this? I hope I bring out the beautiful lady in me. I don't know how to strut like one that's for sure. I am not comfortable being the center of attention. So why the heck did I decide to join this year? Well since I'm trying to make the best out of me. I did it drastically now. This is the end of the line straight up from my usual sanity. I mustered up the courage to join a beauty pageant. Coming from a person with bouts of self-pity and self-rejection, it sure is a stressful and uber challenging thing. I plan to conquer my obnoxious stage frights. This is a wake up call to my almost absent self-confidence. May 15 will be my first professional photoshoot followed by a courtesy call to the Office of the Mayor. The day after my handlers are putting me on a challenge in strutting. I'm doing my very first catwalk in a fashion show. After it a series of practices for my walk,poses, talent and stuff we need to do for the coronation night. Then on Independence Day we will also be joining the parade and later on the official presentation of the Candidates. They haven't provided us with the full schedule so I can't tell what to expect. For those who like me thinks that beauty pageants are not that difficult. I was way wrong. I belittled pageants before an now I know how hard it is just to please most of the people and how demanding the task is on hand. Oh well!! Do or die trying!!! AJA!!! Wha!!! Guess I'll be busy for the whole month of May and June... I do hope I will be able to bring out the best in me... Oh my gulay!! Karir na kung karir!! I'm doing this also to make my mother proud. I'll keep you posted haha...
30.4.09
I AM MY OWN BOSS
27.4.09
Idle
15.4.09
48 Laws of Power
by Robert Greene and Joost Elffers
Law 1
Never Outshine the Master
Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.
Law 2
Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies
Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.
Law 3
Conceal your Intentions
Keep people off-balance and in the dark by never revealing the purpose behind your actions. If they have no clue what you are up to, they cannot prepare a defense. Guide them far enough down the wrong path, envelope them in enough smoke, and by the time they realize your intentions, it will be too late.
Law 4
Always Say Less than Necessary
When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.
Law 5
So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it with your Life
Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.
Law 6
Court Attention at all Cost
Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious, than the bland and timid masses.
Law 7
Get others to do the Work for you, but Always Take the Credit
Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.
Law 8
Make other People come to you – use Bait if Necessary
When you force the other person to act, you are the one in control. It is always better to make your opponent come to you, abandoning his own plans in the process. Lure him with fabulous gains – then attack. You hold the cards.
Law 9
Win through your Actions, Never through Argument
Any momentary triumph you think gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.
Law 10
Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else’s misery – emotional states are as infectious as disease. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.
Law 11
Learn to Keep People Dependent on You
To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.
Law 12
Use Selective Honesty and Generosity to Disarm your Victim
One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will. A timely gift – a Trojan horse – will serve the same purpose.
Law 13
When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest,
Never to their Mercy or Gratitude
If you need to turn to an ally for help, do not bother to remind him of your past assistance and good deeds. He will find a way to ignore you. Instead, uncover something in your request, or in your alliance with him, that will benefit him, and emphasize it out of all proportion. He will respond enthusiastically when he sees something to be gained for himself.
Law 14
Pose as a Friend, Work as a Spy
Knowing about your rival is critical. Use spies to gather valuable information that will keep you a step ahead. Better still: Play the spy yourself. In polite social encounters, learn to probe. Ask indirect questions to get people to reveal their weaknesses and intentions. There is no occasion that is not an opportunity for artful spying.
Law 15
Crush your Enemy Totally
Law 16
Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor
Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.
Law 17
Keep Others in Suspended Terror: Cultivate an Air of Unpredictability
Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables: Be deliberately unpredictable. Behavior that seems to have no consistency or purpose will keep them off-balance, and they will wear themselves out trying to explain your moves. Taken to an extreme, this strategy can intimidate and terrorize.
Law 18
Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation is Dangerous
The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere – everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from – it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people find allies, mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.
Law 19
Know Who You’re Dealing with – Do Not Offend the Wrong Person
There are many different kinds of people in the world, and you can never assume that everyone will react to your strategies in the same way. Deceive or outmaneuver some people and they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge. They are wolves in lambs’ clothing. Choose your victims and opponents carefully, then – never offend or deceive the wrong person.
Law 20
Do Not Commit to Anyone
It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others – playing people against one another, making them pursue you.
Law 21
Play a Sucker to Catch a Sucker – Seem Dumber than your Mark
No one likes feeling stupider than the next persons. The trick, is to make your victims feel smart – and not just smart, but smarter than you are. Once convinced of this, they will never suspect that you may have ulterior motives.
Law 22
Use the Surrender Tactic: Transform Weakness into Power
When you are weaker, never fight for honor’s sake; choose surrender instead. Surrender gives you time to recover, time to torment and irritate your conqueror, time to wait for his power to wane. Do not give him the satisfaction of fighting and defeating you – surrender first. By turning the other check you infuriate and unsettle him. Make surrender a tool of power.
Law 23
Concentrate Your Forces
Conserve your forces and energies by keeping them concentrated at their strongest point. You gain more by finding a rich mine and mining it deeper, than by flitting from one shallow mine to another – intensity defeats ex tensity every time. When looking for sources of power to elevate you, find the one key patron, the fat cow who will give you milk for a long time to come.
Law 24
Play the Perfect Courtier
The perfect courtier thrives in a world where everything revolves around power and political dexterity. He has mastered the art of indirection; he flatters, yields to superiors, and asserts power over others in the mot oblique and graceful manner. Learn and apply the laws of courtier-ship and there will be no limit to how far you can rise in the court.
Law 25
Re-Create Yourself
Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.
Law 26
Keep Your Hands Clean
You must seem a paragon of civility and efficiency: Your hands are never soiled by mistakes and nasty deeds. Maintain such a spotless appearance by using others as scapegoats and cat’s-paws to disguise your involvement.
Law 27
Play on People’s Need to Believe to Create a Cultlike Following
People have an overwhelming desire to believe in something. Become the focal point of such desire by offering them a cause, a new faith to follow. Keep your words vague but full of promise; emphasize enthusiasm over rationality and clear thinking. Give your new disciples rituals to perform, ask them to make sacrifices on your behalf. In the absence of organized religion and grand causes, your new belief system will bring you untold power.
Law 28
Enter Action with Boldness
If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.
Law 29
Plan All the Way to the End
The ending is everything. Plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others. By planning to the end you will not be overwhelmed by circumstances and you will know when to stop. Gently guide fortune and help determine the future by thinking far ahead.
Law 30
Make your Accomplishments Seem Effortless
Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease. All the toil and practice that go into them, and also all the clever tricks, must be concealed. When you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Avoid the temptation of revealing how hard you work – it only raises questions. Teach no one your tricks or they will be used against you.
Law 31
Control the Options: Get Others to Play with the Cards you Deal
The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. Put them on the horns of a dilemma: They are gored wherever they turn.
Law 32
Play to People’s Fantasies
The truth is often avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never appeal to truth and reality unless you are prepared for the anger that comes for disenchantment. Life is so harsh and distressing that people who can manufacture romance or conjure up fantasy are like oases in the desert: Everyone flocks to them. There is great power in tapping into the fantasies of the masses.
Law 33
Discover Each Man’s Thumbscrew
Everyone has a weakness, a gap in the castle wall. That weakness is usual y an insecurity, an uncontrollable emotion or need; it can also be a small secret pleasure. Either way, once found, it is a thumbscrew you can turn to your advantage.
Law 34
Be Royal in your Own Fashion: Act like a King to be treated like one
The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated; In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.
Law 35
Master the Art of Timing
Never seem to be in a hurry – hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time. Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually. Become a detective of the right moment; sniff out the spirit of the times, the trends that will carry you to power. Learn to stand back when the time is not yet ripe, and to strike fiercely when it has reached fruition.
Law 36
Disdain Things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best Revenge
By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.
Law 37
Create Compelling Spectacles
Striking imagery and grand symbolic gestures create the aura of power – everyone responds to them. Stage spectacles for those around you, then full of arresting visuals and radiant symbols that heighten your presence. Dazzled by appearances, no one will notice what you are really doing.
Law 38
Think as you like but Behave like others
If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.
Law 39
Stir up Waters to Catch Fish
Anger and emotion are strategically counterproductive. You must always stay calm and objective. But if you can make your enemies angry while staying calm yourself, you gain a decided advantage. Put your enemies off-balance: Find the chink in their vanity through which you can rattle them and you hold the strings.
Law 40
Despise the Free Lunch
What is offered for free is dangerous – it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price – there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.
Law 41
Avoid Stepping into a Great Man’s Shoes
What happens first always appears better and more original than what comes after. If you succeed a great man or have a famous parent, you will have to accomplish double their achievements to outshine them. Do not get lost in their shadow, or stuck in a past not of your own making: Establish your own name and identity by changing course. Slay the overbearing father, disparage his legacy, and gain power by shining in your own way.
Law 42
Strike the Shepherd and the Sheep will Scatter
Trouble can often be traced to a single strong individual – the stirrer, the arrogant underling, the poisoned of goodwill. If you allow such people room to operate, others will succumb to their influence. Do not wait for the troubles they cause to multiply, do not try to negotiate with them – they are irredeemable. Neutralize their influence by isolating or banishing them. Strike at the source of the trouble and the sheep will scatter.
Law 43
Work on the Hearts and Minds of Others
Coercion creates a reaction that will eventually work against you. You must seduce others into wanting to move in your direction. A person you have seduced becomes your loyal pawn. And the way to seduce others is to operate on their individual psychologies and weaknesses. Soften up the resistant by working on their emotions, playing on what they hold dear and what they fear. Ignore the hearts and minds of others and they will grow to hate you.
Law 44
Disarm and Infuriate with the Mirror Effect
The mirror reflects reality, but it is also the perfect tool for deception: When you mirror your enemies, doing exactly as they do, they cannot figure out your strategy. The Mirror Effect mocks and humiliates them, making them overreact. By holding up a mirror to their psyches, you seduce them with the illusion that you share their values; by holding up a mirror to their actions, you teach them a lesson. Few can resist the power of Mirror Effect.
Law 45
Preach the Need for Change, but Never Reform too much at Once
Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt. If you are new to a position of power, or an outsider trying to build a power base, make a show of respecting the old way of doing things. If change is necessary, make it feel like a gentle improvement on the past.
Law 46
Never appear too Perfect
Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.
Law 47
Do not go Past the Mark you Aimed for; In Victory, Learn when to Stop
The moment of victory is often the moment of greatest peril. In the heat of victory, arrogance and overconfidence can push you past the goal you had aimed for, and by going too far, you make more enemies than you defeat. Do not allow success to go to your head. There is no substitute for strategy and careful planning. Set a goal, and when you reach it, stop.
Law 48
Assume Formlessness
By taking a shape, by having a visible plan, you open yourself to attack. Instead of taking a form for your enemy to grasp, keep yourself adaptable and on the move. Accept the fact that nothing is certain and no law is fixed. The best way to protect yourself is to be as fluid and formless as water; never bet on stability or lasting order. Everything changes.
14.4.09
A RENAISSANCE
27.3.09
TRISTE
Vous me parlez seulement quand vous avez besoin de quelque chose. Personne ne s'inquiète vraiment de moi.
Je devine si je meurs aujourd'hui, ils pleurerai pas parce qu'I' ; morts de m mais le fait qu'ils ont perdu une personne qui peut faire leurs commandes.
Peut-être I' ; m juste une pauvre fille pathétique, essayant d'avoir de vrais amis dans l'Internet. Si assez naïf de croire que le cyberworld sera plus doux et sorte à elle que ceux dans le monde réel.
20.3.09
For Noone
10.3.09
RANDOM THOUGHTS IN MY MIND
just crazy thoughts...
9.2.09
My Missing Valentine
25.1.09
BEING A FOOL
Here I am again making a fool out of myself.
Doing things in search for the thing that would make me happy.
Almost forgetting that my soul could burn in hell,
Doing whatever it takes not to feel alone,
Trying to please at whatever cost.
Making such a mockery of myself.
As days pass by,
I'm slowly losing control,
Of the reality, I call my world.
Doing my best to make sense,
Rationalizing what I've done,
Regrets are numerous
Despite this, I continue to make bad choices,
I strive to be better,
Battling with my irrational side.
I'm still a lonely fool,
The war within me is not yet over.
In the end of all this,
I pray that I find peace.
And that the clown who I see in my reflection will cease to exist.
4.1.09
Confessions of A Lone Wolf
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